Meat, Vegetable, Soup -- The First Successful Attempt to Classify Everything

We present the results of a novel classification scheme for all items, objects, concepts, and crucially -- things -- in the known and unknown universe. Our definitions of meat, soup and vegetable are near-exhaustive and represent a new era of scientific discovery within the rapidly-developing field of Arbitrary Classification. While the definitions of vegetable (growing in the ground), meat (growing in an animal) and soup (containing both vegetable and meat) may appear simple at first, we discuss a range of complex cases in which progress is rapidly being made, and provide definitions and clarifications for as many objects as a weekend of typing will allow.